[Tafseer] The woman and the man guilty of adultery or fornication,- flog each of them with a hundred stripes: Let not compassion move you in their case, in a matter prescribed by Allah, if ye believe in Allah and the Last Day: and let a party of the Believers witness their punishment. Zina includes adultery illegal intercourse between a man and a woman not married to each other. It therefore applies both to adultery (which implies that one or both of the parties are married to a person or persons other than the ones concerned) and to fornication, which, in its strict signification, implies that both parties are unmarried. The law of marriage and divorce is made easy in Islam, so that there may be less temptation for intercourse outside the well-defined bonds of marriage. This makes for greater self-respect for both man and woman. Other sex offences are also punishable, but this Section applies strictly to Tina as above defined. in Surah 4: ayat 15, and Surah 33: ayat 30. The punishment should be public, in order to be deterrent.
The woman and the man guilty of adultery
My wealth, my wealth
[Muslim Book 01,Chapter 42, Hadith # 7061]
Lesson : as mentioned above in Surah Al-Muminun Ayat 115.""Did you think that We had created you in play (without any purpose), and that you would not be brought back to Us?" This Hadith enjoins that if a person is given wealth, he should spend it in the ways liked by Allah because it is this Sadaqah which will be a valuable treasure in the Afterlife. Whatever else he consumes in this world, will finish or rot in this world and will be of no avail in Hereafter.
Tony Blair's sister-in-law converts to Islam | Politics | The Guardian
Tony Blair's sister-in-law converts to Islam | Politics | The Guardian
Lauren Booth speaks on Press TV, an Iranian associated TV news channel
Tony Blair's sister-in-law has converted to Islam after having what she describes as a "holy experience" during a visit to Iran.
Journalist and broadcaster Lauren Booth, 43 – Cherie Blair's sister – now wears a hijab whenever she leaves her home, prays five times a day and visits her local mosque whenever she can.
She decided to become a Muslim six weeks ago after visiting the shrine of Fatima al-Masumeh in the city of Qom.
"It was a Tuesday evening and I sat down and felt this shot of spiritual morphine, just absolute bliss and joy," she said in an interview today.
When she returned to Britain, she decided to convert immediately.
Booth – who works for Press TV, the English-language Iranian news channel – has stopped eating pork and reads the Qur'an every day. She is currently on page 60.
Booth has stopped drinking alcohol and says she has not wanted to drink since converting.
Before her spiritual awakening in Iran, she had been "sympathetic" to Islam and has spent considerable time working in Palestine, she said, adding that she hoped her conversion would help Blair change his presumptions about Islam.
Journalist and broadcaster Lauren Booth, 43 – Cherie Blair's sister – now wears a hijab whenever she leaves her home, prays five times a day and visits her local mosque whenever she can.
She decided to become a Muslim six weeks ago after visiting the shrine of Fatima al-Masumeh in the city of Qom.
"It was a Tuesday evening and I sat down and felt this shot of spiritual morphine, just absolute bliss and joy," she said in an interview today.
When she returned to Britain, she decided to convert immediately.
Booth – who works for Press TV, the English-language Iranian news channel – has stopped eating pork and reads the Qur'an every day. She is currently on page 60.
Booth has stopped drinking alcohol and says she has not wanted to drink since converting.
Before her spiritual awakening in Iran, she had been "sympathetic" to Islam and has spent considerable time working in Palestine, she said, adding that she hoped her conversion would help Blair change his presumptions about Islam.
Psychology, Islam & Self-Control
Psychology, Islam & Self-Control
By Saadia Khan
Now you may be wondering, why is this interesting? Of course, willpower is important. But for a long time, psychology was more concerned with ideas such as intelligence, self-esteem, and especially, happiness. Each of these is important, of course, but I could not help but feel something was missing. For the most part, it was the obsession with happiness that I always found troubling. To be blunt, I have always found people who make their happiness their #1 priority to be quite selfish and short-sighted. The pursuit of self-fulfilment at-all-costs seems contradictory to the Islamic worldview, a frame of reference that has no problem with happiness in and of itself but which emphasizes patience and sacrifice as more noble goals.
Self-control, on the other hand, is perfectly Islamic. Our whole religion is based around it. One of the reasons we pray five times a day is to gain discipline. We fast in the month of Ramadan in order to “learn self-restraint.” (Qur’an 2:183). We partake in Hajj, partly, to practice fortitude. We “lower our gaze” (24:31) to resist temptation. Even the pursuit of wealth is not by any means necessary: we are stringent about examining the how and why of whatever we earn and spend (17:26). We have to regulate what we consume. We have to regulate our speech. We have to constantly exert control over our thoughts and feelings. We have to control our anger, our jealousy; any feelings of pride or arrogance. We constantly have to check our actions against our intentions.
We even have to exercise restraint in the permissible display of our emotions. When at war, Muslims are commanded to fight honourably and ethically. When we fall in love with our spouses, the expectation from our religion is to be temperate and keep the display of our affections limited to the domestic sphere. When someone close to us dies, we are allowed to cry and show sadness, but we cannot wail and excessively lament. Even the duration of our mourning is limited to three days at which point we are expected to collect ourselves and move on.
The ethos of modern societies is to pursue with passion whatever you desire. But Islam emphasizes restraint, discipline and sabr (patience).
The Qur’an even goes as far as to say: “Who is more astray than one who follows his own lusts?” (28:50). The implication is that the opposite of that, a person who is in control of his desires, represents the pinnacle of right guidance.
In the past few decades, self-restraint has resumed its once-forgotten place at the centre of psychology. The turning point was triggered in a now-famous study by Walter Mischel of Stanford University, where children aged four and five were asked whether they wanted to eat one marshmallow now or two marshmallows later. The idea was to test the ability of these children to delay gratification. Many children gave in right away and consumed the marshmallow in front of them. But some were able to wait as long as fifteen minutes, successfully repressing their current desire for the promise of a double reward later. Mischel and his team then followed the children into adulthood and found that those who were able to control themselves as children subsequently performed better in school, sports and other extra-curricular activities, attained higher educational and salary levels, engaged in far less drug and alcohol abuse, and reported stronger, more satisfying relationships. In short, those children who were able to practice self-control were more successful in every aspect of their lives decades later.
Moreover, in a review of thousands of studies, founder and president of The Families and Work Institute Dr. Ellen Galinsky concluded that there are seven essential life skills that every child needs in order to reach his or her fullest potential. What is the top entry on her list? You guessed it: self-control. And this is based on decades of frontline observations and volumes upon volumes of research.
More recently, one of the world’s most prolific psychologists, Dr. Roy Baumeister of Florida State University published a book entitled Willpower that basically summarized decades of his and his colleagues’ research in the field. What he essentially found is that success, no matter how you define it, often boils down to two things: intelligence and self-control. While you cannot increase your God-given intelligence, you can definitely improve your self-control. How important is willpower? According to Baumeister “self-regulation failure is the major social pathology of our time.” I’ll let you read that again in order for it to sink in. Baumeister goes on to discuss various proven ways to improve self-control including: eating and sleeping right, keeping a diary, establishing routines, getting organized, implementing personalized distraction techniques and practicing guided meditation. He also demonstrates how the effects of successfully disciplining yourself in one area of life spill over into other areas of your life, creating a domino effect of positive transformation. As a Muslim, that sounds very familiar.
I could go on but you get the point. Science is only now uncovering the reality that our religion has taught all along. The secret to success is discipline and self-control. We have always known that the ability to make choices is what separates us from animals. Now we also now that the ability to self-regulate is what separates average people from the truly remarkable. This is the kind of discipline that Allah subhanahu wa ta`ala (exalted is He) is trying to build in us through the various acts of worship and rituals He commands. Who else Knows better the intricacies of human nature? Allah (swt) wants us to be successful and indicates the way. It is up us to now to act upon this knowledge.
“Oh you who believe, endure and outdo all others in endurance, be ready, and observe your duty to Allah, so that you may succeed.” (3:200)
Done with the right intentions, not only will self-control warrant success in this life, it will also guarantee success in the life to come. May Allah (swt) make us of those who practice discipline and remain firm on the His path. Ameen.
Posted: 14 Jun 2013 05:00 AM PDT
By Saadia KhanOne of the things I like to do in my spare time is read psychology books. When I was about to complete my undergraduate degree—a double major in history and political science–I was informed by the registrar’s office that I was only two half-courses short of completing a minor in psychology. Apparently, almost all of my electives had been in psychology. I was intrigued by the idea of sticking around just one semester longer to complete the requirement, but ultimately, the excitement of starting my Masters’ and the prospects of international travel got in the way. Alhamdulillah (all praise due to God), I have no regrets.
Fast forward 7 years and I am still enthralled by the study of human nature and behaviour. Every time I visit the library or a bookstore or every time I find myself aimlessly surfing the internet, I pretty much always end up reading more about this fascinating subject. And lately, I’ve noticed an interesting trend. Psychologists are getting more and more captivated by the idea of self-control. Some literature has always been there, of course, but it seems the concept of willpower is finally getting the broad research and mainstream attention it deserves.Now you may be wondering, why is this interesting? Of course, willpower is important. But for a long time, psychology was more concerned with ideas such as intelligence, self-esteem, and especially, happiness. Each of these is important, of course, but I could not help but feel something was missing. For the most part, it was the obsession with happiness that I always found troubling. To be blunt, I have always found people who make their happiness their #1 priority to be quite selfish and short-sighted. The pursuit of self-fulfilment at-all-costs seems contradictory to the Islamic worldview, a frame of reference that has no problem with happiness in and of itself but which emphasizes patience and sacrifice as more noble goals.
Self-control, on the other hand, is perfectly Islamic. Our whole religion is based around it. One of the reasons we pray five times a day is to gain discipline. We fast in the month of Ramadan in order to “learn self-restraint.” (Qur’an 2:183). We partake in Hajj, partly, to practice fortitude. We “lower our gaze” (24:31) to resist temptation. Even the pursuit of wealth is not by any means necessary: we are stringent about examining the how and why of whatever we earn and spend (17:26). We have to regulate what we consume. We have to regulate our speech. We have to constantly exert control over our thoughts and feelings. We have to control our anger, our jealousy; any feelings of pride or arrogance. We constantly have to check our actions against our intentions.
We even have to exercise restraint in the permissible display of our emotions. When at war, Muslims are commanded to fight honourably and ethically. When we fall in love with our spouses, the expectation from our religion is to be temperate and keep the display of our affections limited to the domestic sphere. When someone close to us dies, we are allowed to cry and show sadness, but we cannot wail and excessively lament. Even the duration of our mourning is limited to three days at which point we are expected to collect ourselves and move on.
The ethos of modern societies is to pursue with passion whatever you desire. But Islam emphasizes restraint, discipline and sabr (patience).
The Qur’an even goes as far as to say: “Who is more astray than one who follows his own lusts?” (28:50). The implication is that the opposite of that, a person who is in control of his desires, represents the pinnacle of right guidance.
In the past few decades, self-restraint has resumed its once-forgotten place at the centre of psychology. The turning point was triggered in a now-famous study by Walter Mischel of Stanford University, where children aged four and five were asked whether they wanted to eat one marshmallow now or two marshmallows later. The idea was to test the ability of these children to delay gratification. Many children gave in right away and consumed the marshmallow in front of them. But some were able to wait as long as fifteen minutes, successfully repressing their current desire for the promise of a double reward later. Mischel and his team then followed the children into adulthood and found that those who were able to control themselves as children subsequently performed better in school, sports and other extra-curricular activities, attained higher educational and salary levels, engaged in far less drug and alcohol abuse, and reported stronger, more satisfying relationships. In short, those children who were able to practice self-control were more successful in every aspect of their lives decades later.
Moreover, in a review of thousands of studies, founder and president of The Families and Work Institute Dr. Ellen Galinsky concluded that there are seven essential life skills that every child needs in order to reach his or her fullest potential. What is the top entry on her list? You guessed it: self-control. And this is based on decades of frontline observations and volumes upon volumes of research.
More recently, one of the world’s most prolific psychologists, Dr. Roy Baumeister of Florida State University published a book entitled Willpower that basically summarized decades of his and his colleagues’ research in the field. What he essentially found is that success, no matter how you define it, often boils down to two things: intelligence and self-control. While you cannot increase your God-given intelligence, you can definitely improve your self-control. How important is willpower? According to Baumeister “self-regulation failure is the major social pathology of our time.” I’ll let you read that again in order for it to sink in. Baumeister goes on to discuss various proven ways to improve self-control including: eating and sleeping right, keeping a diary, establishing routines, getting organized, implementing personalized distraction techniques and practicing guided meditation. He also demonstrates how the effects of successfully disciplining yourself in one area of life spill over into other areas of your life, creating a domino effect of positive transformation. As a Muslim, that sounds very familiar.
I could go on but you get the point. Science is only now uncovering the reality that our religion has taught all along. The secret to success is discipline and self-control. We have always known that the ability to make choices is what separates us from animals. Now we also now that the ability to self-regulate is what separates average people from the truly remarkable. This is the kind of discipline that Allah subhanahu wa ta`ala (exalted is He) is trying to build in us through the various acts of worship and rituals He commands. Who else Knows better the intricacies of human nature? Allah (swt) wants us to be successful and indicates the way. It is up us to now to act upon this knowledge.
“Oh you who believe, endure and outdo all others in endurance, be ready, and observe your duty to Allah, so that you may succeed.” (3:200)
Done with the right intentions, not only will self-control warrant success in this life, it will also guarantee success in the life to come. May Allah (swt) make us of those who practice discipline and remain firm on the His path. Ameen.
Coolness of the Eyes
Coolness of the Eyes
By Ammarah Usmani
We live in a world where most of us don’t really consider the home a peaceful haven or a sanctuary.
To some, seeking refuge inside one’s home seems overrated, antisocial, and makes one seem reclusive and bereaved from the lively, rambunctious happenings of the outside world. Be it even somebody else’s home, at least it’s away from your own home.
For others, the same liveliness inside their houses leads them wandering outside the confines of their home to grasp a few seconds of sanity, warmth, and well-being. The next best thing for a person in this state is a clichéd sanctuary – probably something along the lines of Barnes and Noble, while sipping Starbucks coffee out of a recycled paper cup, and reading a magazine or a tasteful novel.
I found myself in a similar state of mind late one afternoon, after hurriedly finishing a test in one of my classes.
I walked outside the building to the parking lot, wondering where I’d parked my car when I looked up at the sky and figured that there was still some time before Maghrib. I pictured driving back home, walking inside the house, dodging a few harmless insults from my brother, ignoring my little sister’s pleas to play with her, or pretending to listen to my mother admonish me on my cluttered room.
Why return home this early?
I’d managed to locate my car and drove out of campus, aimlessly zooming around the streets, wondering where to go to unwind and just forget about my whole week. I needed to set aside my realities for just a second. I drove here and there for a while when the sun started to get in my eyes. I was wearing sunglasses, but the blazing fireball was dead straight wherever I turned. I managed to turn into the drive through for a nearby Starbucks and ordered a coffee. Now I needed a place to sit down and relax.
Again I began wandering here and there, looking for a place to sit or just a place where I could park and drink my coffee in the car.
There’s that sun again.
I turned to park three or four different places. All the empty parking spaces seemed to position my car in full view of the blinding, annoying sun. I almost ran into a curb once. I even tried pulling into an apartment complex parking lot without seeming like a trespasser. I couldn’t find a suitable spot there, either.
Turns out, my so-called relaxing drive made me even more irritated. I felt sweaty, my head was throbbing, and I just wanted to get out of the car.
I made a split-second decision and veered my car in the direction of my house. All of a sudden, I was able to see the clear sky, a nice teal. I spent a few seconds admiring the sky when I realized the absence of something.
The sun could no longer blind me. My eyes were no longer burning from the rays shining directly at me.
My eyes were cooled.
Immediately I remembered a du`a’ I learned recently about family – “Oh our Lord, grant us from our spouses and our offspring coolness of the eyes and make us leaders of the pious.”
Coolness of the eyes.
In the direction of my home.
That same coolness brought tears of joy, understanding, and regret at what I’d perceived my home as this whole day. It’s not the house itself; rather, Allah’s blessings lies in the fact that I call it home, for my family. Because of my family.
I hand out advice to my peers and students, seeming as if I’m above it all, but I’m really not. I’d recited this du`a’ to so many people after I’d learned it during Ramadan. But only now do I really understand what it means, because it hit me on a literal level. Subhan’Allah (exalted is He). Who would’ve known?
And as I was shedding those tears of mixed emotions, I made a right turn into my neighborhood. I turned towards my house and saw the sun in my rearview mirror.
It looked beautiful.
Posted: 13 Jun 2013 05:00 AM PDT
By Ammarah UsmaniWe live in a world where most of us don’t really consider the home a peaceful haven or a sanctuary.
To some, seeking refuge inside one’s home seems overrated, antisocial, and makes one seem reclusive and bereaved from the lively, rambunctious happenings of the outside world. Be it even somebody else’s home, at least it’s away from your own home.
For others, the same liveliness inside their houses leads them wandering outside the confines of their home to grasp a few seconds of sanity, warmth, and well-being. The next best thing for a person in this state is a clichéd sanctuary – probably something along the lines of Barnes and Noble, while sipping Starbucks coffee out of a recycled paper cup, and reading a magazine or a tasteful novel.
I found myself in a similar state of mind late one afternoon, after hurriedly finishing a test in one of my classes.
I walked outside the building to the parking lot, wondering where I’d parked my car when I looked up at the sky and figured that there was still some time before Maghrib. I pictured driving back home, walking inside the house, dodging a few harmless insults from my brother, ignoring my little sister’s pleas to play with her, or pretending to listen to my mother admonish me on my cluttered room.
Why return home this early?
I’d managed to locate my car and drove out of campus, aimlessly zooming around the streets, wondering where to go to unwind and just forget about my whole week. I needed to set aside my realities for just a second. I drove here and there for a while when the sun started to get in my eyes. I was wearing sunglasses, but the blazing fireball was dead straight wherever I turned. I managed to turn into the drive through for a nearby Starbucks and ordered a coffee. Now I needed a place to sit down and relax.
Again I began wandering here and there, looking for a place to sit or just a place where I could park and drink my coffee in the car.
There’s that sun again.
I turned to park three or four different places. All the empty parking spaces seemed to position my car in full view of the blinding, annoying sun. I almost ran into a curb once. I even tried pulling into an apartment complex parking lot without seeming like a trespasser. I couldn’t find a suitable spot there, either.
Turns out, my so-called relaxing drive made me even more irritated. I felt sweaty, my head was throbbing, and I just wanted to get out of the car.
I made a split-second decision and veered my car in the direction of my house. All of a sudden, I was able to see the clear sky, a nice teal. I spent a few seconds admiring the sky when I realized the absence of something.
The sun could no longer blind me. My eyes were no longer burning from the rays shining directly at me.
My eyes were cooled.
Immediately I remembered a du`a’ I learned recently about family – “Oh our Lord, grant us from our spouses and our offspring coolness of the eyes and make us leaders of the pious.”
Coolness of the eyes.
In the direction of my home.
That same coolness brought tears of joy, understanding, and regret at what I’d perceived my home as this whole day. It’s not the house itself; rather, Allah’s blessings lies in the fact that I call it home, for my family. Because of my family.
I hand out advice to my peers and students, seeming as if I’m above it all, but I’m really not. I’d recited this du`a’ to so many people after I’d learned it during Ramadan. But only now do I really understand what it means, because it hit me on a literal level. Subhan’Allah (exalted is He). Who would’ve known?
And as I was shedding those tears of mixed emotions, I made a right turn into my neighborhood. I turned towards my house and saw the sun in my rearview mirror.
It looked beautiful.
SuhaibWebb.com | What If
What If
Posted: 12 Jun 2013 05:00 AM PDT
By Talha Ghannam
Note: The post was written a few months before traveling for Umrah. Alhamdulillah, having now completed the journey, I cannot emphasize enough how important preparation is to the journey. To remove oneself from the dunya (worldy life)and prepare for what lies ahead is essential. What will you say to your Lord and His messenger ﷺ (peace be upon him) when you visit them in the blessed cities?
I do not claim to be a poet. When compared to these greats, my words are meaningless. However, my intention to go on ‘umrah next month has inspired me to follow in their footsteps, dedicating a few words to read them to my beloved Prophet ﷺ at his tomb. Perhaps Allah will place blessing in these words and grant me the honour of a true vision of the Prophet ﷺ and his companions. Ameen.
The poem reflects the life (seerah) of the Prophet ﷺ and how it bears on our own. Many of us claim that if we were with him ﷺ, we would have been of the foremost to protect him. We say we love him ﷺ yet few of us have seen him or know what he looks like. So often the Prophet ﷺ and Islam are slandered and we do nothing to educate people about him. We profess that we would seek his ﷺ company had we been contemporaries, yet we live in ignorance of our faith and ignore its inheritors1 . We wish we were in his company yet we forego the gardens of paradise2 . As the companions (sahabah) famously said to the followers (tab`ieen – the generation which followed the companions):
“If we saw you at the time of the Prophet ﷺ, we would think you were hypocrites, and if you saw us at the time of the Prophet ﷺ, you would think we were mad men!”3
So how then does this bear on us who are so far astray from the path to Allah!
The words I write are a reflection on my own soul, my own hypocrisy and double standards. I claim to yearn for him ﷺ yet my actions speak differently. How do I greet the greatest human to walk this earth whilst I know what state my soul is in? Perhaps through these words Allah will grant me forgiveness, guidance, and sincerity to change the man I’m becoming to the man I wish to become.
—————————————–
What If
What if I met the Prophet4 ,
And walked the path he walked.
I would be his shadow, follow every step,
And never let him go.
.
What if I heard the Prophet,
Speaking to friend and foe.
I would write and learn his every word,
And spread them across the globe.
.
What if I spoke to the Prophet,
And shared with him my thoughts.
I would live by every word he said,
Applying them one by one.
.
What if I stood with the Prophet,
Fighting against his foes.
I would protect him against every (s)word and (ar)row,
Of the tongue and of the bow.
.
What if I saw the Prophet,
Embracing me with his smile,
I would feel its glow shining through my life,
And forever be my guide.
.
So why now do I leave you, oh Prophet,
When true dreams remain for those who love.
If truly I ever loved you so,
The heart will find what it seeks.
.
While the sayings of yours, oh Prophet,
Like gems amongst the words,
Remain to guide us along the path,
Mina al-dhulumaati ila al-noor.5
.
And your legacy remains, oh Prophet,
With the scholars left on earth.
Inheritors of prophetic wisdom,
Preside to lead us forward.
.
We abandoned you for profit,
Chasing what the world can give,
Forgetting that joy is found with you,
In God’s everlasting bliss.
.
Now I return to you, oh Prophet,
In this blessed city of light,
To pledge a change forever more,
And turn my face to God.
.
Peace and blessings to you, oh Prophet,
For time and ever more.
To you we owe the greatest debt,
For all that you have brought.
..
And your family and friends, oh Prophet,
Who showed us how to live,
They sought your love in all they did
To earn the love of God
.
Note: The post was written a few months before traveling for Umrah. Alhamdulillah, having now completed the journey, I cannot emphasize enough how important preparation is to the journey. To remove oneself from the dunya (worldy life)and prepare for what lies ahead is essential. What will you say to your Lord and His messenger ﷺ (peace be upon him) when you visit them in the blessed cities?
My eyes have not seen anyone more magnificent than you
No woman has borne such perfection
You were created free from all deficiencies
It is as though you were created as you wished
[Hassaan ibn Thaabit]
.
From jaahily (pre-Islam period in Mecca) poetry to country odes, nursery rhymes to modern day rap, poetry has long possessed a mystical hold over society. Sitting at the height of literary excellence, its subtle words and rhythmic beats engage the deepest emotions of the reader, moving them to live the words recited..
“Logic and grammar are important. But for students to truly own the English language, they need to read and write poems.”
[Dorothea Lasky]
.
Islam has a rich tradition of poetry, and no topic has drawn more attention than the love of the Prophet ﷺ. For centuries, scholars and lovers have written words dedicated to their beloved Messenger ﷺ. Poems such as Hasaan ibn Thabit’s verses (above) and the Burda (The Adoned Mantle) sit eternally in the hearts of Muslims as epitomes of love for the Messenger ﷺ..
I do not claim to be a poet. When compared to these greats, my words are meaningless. However, my intention to go on ‘umrah next month has inspired me to follow in their footsteps, dedicating a few words to read them to my beloved Prophet ﷺ at his tomb. Perhaps Allah will place blessing in these words and grant me the honour of a true vision of the Prophet ﷺ and his companions. Ameen.
The poem reflects the life (seerah) of the Prophet ﷺ and how it bears on our own. Many of us claim that if we were with him ﷺ, we would have been of the foremost to protect him. We say we love him ﷺ yet few of us have seen him or know what he looks like. So often the Prophet ﷺ and Islam are slandered and we do nothing to educate people about him. We profess that we would seek his ﷺ company had we been contemporaries, yet we live in ignorance of our faith and ignore its inheritors1 . We wish we were in his company yet we forego the gardens of paradise2 . As the companions (sahabah) famously said to the followers (tab`ieen – the generation which followed the companions):
“If we saw you at the time of the Prophet ﷺ, we would think you were hypocrites, and if you saw us at the time of the Prophet ﷺ, you would think we were mad men!”3
So how then does this bear on us who are so far astray from the path to Allah!
The words I write are a reflection on my own soul, my own hypocrisy and double standards. I claim to yearn for him ﷺ yet my actions speak differently. How do I greet the greatest human to walk this earth whilst I know what state my soul is in? Perhaps through these words Allah will grant me forgiveness, guidance, and sincerity to change the man I’m becoming to the man I wish to become.
—————————————–
What If
What if I met the Prophet4 ,
And walked the path he walked.
I would be his shadow, follow every step,
And never let him go.
.
What if I heard the Prophet,
Speaking to friend and foe.
I would write and learn his every word,
And spread them across the globe.
.
What if I spoke to the Prophet,
And shared with him my thoughts.
I would live by every word he said,
Applying them one by one.
.
What if I stood with the Prophet,
Fighting against his foes.
I would protect him against every (s)word and (ar)row,
Of the tongue and of the bow.
.
What if I saw the Prophet,
Embracing me with his smile,
I would feel its glow shining through my life,
And forever be my guide.
.
So why now do I leave you, oh Prophet,
When true dreams remain for those who love.
If truly I ever loved you so,
The heart will find what it seeks.
.
While the sayings of yours, oh Prophet,
Like gems amongst the words,
Remain to guide us along the path,
Mina al-dhulumaati ila al-noor.5
.
And your legacy remains, oh Prophet,
With the scholars left on earth.
Inheritors of prophetic wisdom,
Preside to lead us forward.
.
We abandoned you for profit,
Chasing what the world can give,
Forgetting that joy is found with you,
In God’s everlasting bliss.
.
Now I return to you, oh Prophet,
In this blessed city of light,
To pledge a change forever more,
And turn my face to God.
.
Peace and blessings to you, oh Prophet,
For time and ever more.
To you we owe the greatest debt,
For all that you have brought.
..
And your family and friends, oh Prophet,
Who showed us how to live,
They sought your love in all they did
To earn the love of God
.
- Abu al-Darda’ (Allah be pleased with him) that the Messenger of Allah (Allah bless him and give him peace) said: “Scholars are the inheritors of the prophets.”[Related by Tirmidhi, Abu Dawud, Nasa'i, Ibn Maja, Ahmad, Ibn Hibban, and others]
- Ibn `Umar reported that the Prophet ﷺ said: “When you pass by the gardens of Paradise, avail yourselves of them.” The Companions asked: “What are the gardens of Paradise, O Messenger of Allah?” He replied: “The circles of dhikr (remembrance of Allah). There are roaming angels of Allah who go about looking for the circles of dhikr, and when they find them they surround them closely.”[Tirmidhi narrated it (hasan gharib) and Ahmad]
- I heard this tradition orally and have sought to establish its source, although this statement is strengthened by the famous saying of the Prophet ﷺ in Bukhari “The best of generations is my generation, then those that follow them, then those that follow them.” I sight this phrase as a point of self-reflection, not to derive any ruling from it One saying ascribed to Al-Hasan Al-Basri is:
حَدَّثَنِي أَبِي ، قَالَ : ثنا إِبْرَاهِيمُ بْنُ مُحَمَّدِ بْنِ الْحَسَنِ ، قَالَ : ثنا أَبُو حُمَيْدٍ أَحْمَدُ بْنُ مُحَمَّدٍ الْحِمْصِيُّ ، قَالَ : ثنا يَحْيَى بْنُ سَعِيدٍ ، قَالَ : ثنا يَزِيدُ بْنُ عَطَاءٍ ، عَنْ عَلْقَمَةَ بْنِ مَرْثَدٍ ، قَالَ :” انْتَهَى الزُّهْدُ إِلَى ثَمَانِيَةٍ مِنَ التَّابِعِينَ ، فَمِنْهُمُ الْحَسَنُ بْنُ أَبِي الْحَسَنِ ، فَمَا رَأَيْنَا أَحَدًا مِنَ النَّاسِ كَانَ أَطْوَلَ حَزَنًا مِنْهُ ، مَا كُنَّا نَرَاهُ إِلا أَنَّهُ حَدِيثُ عَهْدٍ بِمُصِيبَةٍ ، ثُمَّ قَالَ :” نَضْحَكُ وَلا نَدْرِي ، لَعَلَّ اللَّهَ قَدِ اطَّلَعَ عَلَى بَعْضِ أَعْمَالِنَا ، فَقَالَ : لا أَقْبَلُ مِنْكُمْ شَيْئًا ، وَيْحَكَ يَا ابْنَ آدَمَ ، هَلْ لَكَ بِمُحَارَبَةِ اللَّهِ طَاقَةٌ ؟ إِنَّهُ مَنْ عَصَى اللَّهَ فَقَدْ حَارَبَهُ ، وَاللَّهِ لَقَدْ أَدْرَكْتُ سَبْعِينَ بَدْرِيًّا أَكْثَرُ لِبَاسِهِمُ الصُّوفُ ، وَلَوْ رَأَيْتُمُوهُمْ قُلْتُمْ : مَجَانِينُ ، وَلَوْ رَأَوْا خِيَارَكُمْ لَقَالُوا : مَا لِهَؤُلاءِ مِنْ خَلاقٍ ، وَلَوْ رَأَوْا شِرَارَكُمْ لَقَالُوا : مَا يُؤْمِنُ هَؤُلاءِ بِيَوْمِ الْحِسَابِ ، وَلَقَدْ رَأَيْتُ أَقْوَامًا كَانَتِ الدُّنْيَا أَهْوَنَ عَلَى أَحَدِهِمْ مِنَ التُّرَابِ تَحْتَ قَدَمَيْهِ ، وَلَقَدْ رَأَيْتُ أَقْوَامًا يَمْشِي أَحَدُهُمْ وَمَا يَجِدُ عِنْدَهُ إِلا قُوتًا ، فَيَقُولُ : لا أَجْعَلُ هَذَا كُلَّهُ فِي بَطْنِي ، لأَجْعَلَنَّ بَعْضَهُ لِلَّهِ عَزَّ وَجَلَّ فَيتَصَدَّقُ بِبَعْضِهِ ، وَإِنْ كَانَ هُوَ أَحْوَجَ مِمَّنْ يَتَصَدَّقُ بِهِ عَلَيْهِ(حديث مقطوع)
Love of Allah
![Ibn Qayyim (rahimullah) said that there are ten things that bring about the Love of Allah (swt).
1. Recitation of the Quran with reflection and with understanding of its meanings.
2. Seeking closeness to Allah by performing voluntary deeds after having performed obligatory ones, for that leads one to the highest levels of love.
3. Remembering Allah during every situation- with one's time, heart and deeds....one's share of that love is to the degree of one's share in that remembrance.
4. Preferring what He loves to what you love when your desires are strong.
5. Allowing your heart to reflect on His Names and Attributes.
6. Reflecting on His many favors and blessings, both the apparent ones and hidden ones, for that leads to His love.
7. Having your heart softened as it is worshipping Allah.
8. Being alone with Him in worship when He descends during the last third of the night. And this means to invoke Him, to recite His Speech, to stand with all sincerity and with good manners and with good submission, and then to end that with repentance and with seeking His forgiveness.
9. Sitting with those who are truthful in their love of Allah.
10. Staying away from all that creates barriers between the heart and Allah.
[http://www.PureMatrimony.com/]](https://lh3.googleusercontent.com/blogger_img_proxy/AEn0k_sDGV0fIddgH_GjCXlfg2g3g7n6Xpn6SmHQl5RuStb0bnQ1Qpt-7_GMRxKwh2TcwGT13XJxyT1zAPAN0WxPw6CGDliNkLu1gXvwkpz00SYM5GNyTXvoKz34paZwjx0RIciTITbEmvou7F-sTNydV7vsuQQDYS6HMHLtcW1ygdwJVg=s0-d)
Ibn Qayyim (rahimullah) said that there are ten things that bring about the Love of Allah (swt).
1. Recitation of the Quran with reflection and with understanding of its meanings.
2. Seeking closeness to Allah by performing voluntary deeds after having performed obligatory ones, for that leads one to the highest levels of love.
3. Remembering Allah during every situation- with one's time, heart and deeds....one's share of that love is to the degree of one's share in that remembrance.
4. Preferring what He loves to what you love when your desires are strong.
... 5. Allowing your heart to reflect on His Names and Attributes.
6. Reflecting on His many favors and blessings, both the apparent ones and hidden ones, for that leads to His love.
7. Having your heart softened as it is worshipping Allah.
8. Being alone with Him in worship when He descends during the last third of the night. And this means to invoke Him, to recite His Speech, to stand with all sincerity and with good manners and with good submission, and then to end that with repentance and with seeking His forgiveness.
9. Sitting with those who are truthful in their love of Allah.
10. Staying away from all that creates barriers between the heart and Allah.
If you all depend on Allah with due reliance,
Hazrat Umar (May Allah be pleased with him) said: I heard Messenger of Allah 
[SAWW](PBUH) saying: "If you all depend on Allah with due reliance, He would certainly give you provision as He gives it to birds who go forth hungry in the morning and return with full belly at dusk".
[At-Tirmidhi Hadith # 2344].
Lesson : as mentioned above in Surah Al-Muminun Ayat 77."They will be plunged into destruction with deep regrets, sorrows and in despair". Trust in Allah does not mean that one should not give any importance to material resources. What it really means is that along with their due importance, one should have full trust in Allah. Without His Will, material resources are of no avail. But nevertheless it is necessary to have material resources because their procurement is also ordained by Him. Birds do not keep sitting in their nests for food but fly out in search of it.
Gender Relations in the Prophet’s ﷺ Society
Gender Relations in the Prophet’s ﷺ Society
Posted: 07 Jun 2013 05:00 AM PDT
Lessons for Today
The following lecture compares three contemporary social issues with the time of the Prophet ﷺ: Gender relations, racism and drinking. The below article delves into more detail with regards to gender relations in particular.
Many of us lament that we’re no longer like the Companions of the Prophet ﷺ; that their times were different, that their circumstances were different, and that we can never be like them. This concept is often invoked when we discuss gender relations with regards to Muslim youth and how ‘astray’ our youth have gone in comparison to that noble generation.
Yet, contrary to perhaps popular knowledge, the homeboys and the homegirls of the Prophet ﷺ also struggled with their desires. They too slipped and made mistakes. And through their situations, the Prophet ﷺ took the time to coach, train and teach them, helping them transform into the great giants whom we recognize today.
Thus, let us take a look at some of the ways the Prophet ﷺ dealt with the issue of gender interaction in his community so that we can learn lessons applicable today.
Ibn Abbas radi allahu `anhu (may God be pleased with him) shares with us, “A beautiful woman, from among the most beautiful of women, used to pray behind the Prophet ﷺ. Some of the people used to go to pray in the first row to ensure they would not be able to see her. Others would pray in the last row of the men, and they would look from underneath their armpits to see her. Because of this act, in regard to her, Allah revealed, “Verily We know the eager among you to be first, and verily We know the eager among you to be behind,” (Qur’an 15:24).1
From this narration, we learn that the young men who lived in the very city and attended the very masjid of the Prophet of God ﷺ slipped and checked a girl out. And yet what did the Prophet ﷺ do about it?
Did he create a wall between the men and women’s sections? Nope. Did he prohibit women from going to the mosque, lest they tempt the men who attend? Never. In fact, he (peace be upon him) did the exact opposite and commanded that women not be stopped from going to the House of God.2
What he did do was allow men and women to continue to be a part of the same society, working together as a community, existing cohesively. At the same time, he ﷺ helped train his community to keep their desires in check.
The below are a few incidents in which we learn how he did so:
1- Narrated Abdullah ibn Abbas (ra): “Al-Fadl bin Abbas rode behind God’s Messenger ﷺ as his companion rider on the back portion of his she-camel on the day of Nahr (slaughtering of sacrifice, 10th Dhul-Hijja) and Al-Fadl was a handsome man. The Prophet ﷺ stopped to give the people verdicts (regarding their matters). In the meantime, a beautiful woman from the tribe of Khatham came, asking the verdict of God’s Messenger. Al-Fadl started looking at her as her beauty attracted him. The Prophet ﷺ looked behind while Al-Fadl was looking at her; so the Prophet ﷺ held out his hand backwards and caught the chin of Al-Fadl and turned his face (to the other side) in order that he should not gaze at her….”3
Look at how the Prophet ﷺ trains Al-Fadl to be a responsible young man. He does not slam him for not keeping his desires in check. And even more importantly, he (peace be upon him) does not utter words that would make Al-Fadl believe that the source of the problem was the existence of the woman and that Al-Fadl had no responsibility in checking her out. On the contrary, he ﷺ gently turns Al-Fadl’s face away, teaching him that he is the one who needs to be responsible for his actions.
And let’s look at the Prophet ﷺ teaches the rest of this ummah (community) how to interact with women.
The Prophet ﷺ does not curse the woman for being “a fitna (trial).” He does not accuse the woman of enticing Al-Fadl. He does not shun her. Instead, he facilitated for her to be able to ask a question without being checked out.
We also don’t notice her being reprimanded by the Prophet to cover her face while nearing the Prophet ﷺ or other men who are not related to her. We do not hear this narration stating that she was advised to speak behind a curtain in the future lest her beauty become a temptation for men who could not control themselves.
In fact, it was quite the opposite. The Prophet ﷺ caught Al-Fadl staring and so he gently pushed Al-Fadl’s gaze away from the woman. The Prophet ﷺ taught Al-Fadl to control his own self. He put the onus of responsibility on Al-Fadl in this incident instead of scolding the woman who caught his gaze.
Al-Fadl did not protest the Prophet’s action of turning his face; Al-Fadl did not respond with, “But dear Prophet, she is the one who is a fitna (temptation)!” or, “Prophet of God! Command her to cover herself and hide so that she never makes another man’s eyes look at her again!”
In our own communities, women are often blamed for the downfall of men. Women blame other women for dressing inappropriately, wearing too much makeup, or acting flirtatiously with men. Men blame women for the same things! The blame always ends up being on women. We end up holding the brunt of the baggage of the gender relationship.
But what about what the Prophet ﷺ taught us? Yes, we have certain dress codes and guidelines of interactions to which men and women should both adhere, but it does not stop there. This woman was beautiful (may Allah be pleased with her) and yet the Prophet ﷺ didn’t condemn her beauty or stop her from speaking with him ﷺ and asking her question. So what about our communities today?! Let us move beyond placing the blame on women. Let us actually follow the Prophetic way in which each individual takes responsibility for his or her own actions without unnecessarily blaming others for simply existing.
2- In another example, another male companion went further than simply checking out a woman. He actually kissed her! The following narration gives us insight as to how God addressed his sorrowful admittance, seeking forgiveness and guidance from the Prophet ﷺ, “A man kissed a woman. So he came to the Messenger of God and informed him about it. Then God revealed this verse, ‘And perform the prayers, between the two ends of the day and in some hours of the night. Verily, the good deeds efface the evil deeds,’ (11:114). The man asked the Messenger of God ﷺ if the revelation of this verse applied only to his situation. The Messenger of God responded, ‘It applies to all my ummah.’”4
What can we take from this incident? This incident teaches us that the way that God, our Creator, our Loving Sustainer, taught us to deal with slipping into sin is through connecting back with Him immediately. He sent a verse to teach us all that if any one of us messes up, we should go back to Him and maintain our daily prayers. The daily prayers “prohibit immorality and wrongdoing,” 5 and having that connection will also be a means of our continual forgiveness.6
Now, this is not to suggest that those who are involved in inappropriate relationships should simply pray immediately after getting physical and then return to that action. This companion clearly came to the Prophet with regret and with resolve, seeking a solution when admitting his fault to the Prophet ﷺ . However, what we can take is that even the greatest of the great slip and succumb to natural human desire. But when we make the same mistake that one of them did, we should do what they did to seek change: We should regret it, immediately take to seeking God’s forgiveness, and make the resolve not to slip into it again. And if we do slip? Start the cycle of asking for forgiveness over.
3- But what about someone who wants to go all the way? How did the Prophet ﷺ help prevent a man who seriously wanted to do it? Once a young man came to the Prophet ﷺ requesting from the Prophet to grant this man permission to have sex outside of marriage. The people were shocked and were trying to silence his question. The Prophet ﷺ asked him a series of questions. “Would you like it for your mom?” He ﷺ continued to ask if this man would like it for his daughter, sister or other female relatives. The man continually responded in the negative, intellectually convinced by the logical argument of the Prophet ﷺ. Finally, the Prophet placed his blessed hand on the man and prayed to God, “Dear God! May you forgive his sins, purify his heart and make him chaste.” And it is narrated that this man never got involved in what he was requesting after this experience with the Prophet.7
This man was intellectually and spiritually blessed by the logic of, connection to, and prayer from the Prophet ﷺ. We need to learn to be like the Prophet ﷺ when it comes to dealing with issues of sex. I know of young Muslim women who are afraid of getting married simply because their parents have made sex such a taboo topic that they have an intense fear of having to deal with sexual intimacy in marriage. I have also known of young men and women who really wanted to get married, whose parents refused to let them marry really awesome people who came to ask for their hand simply because of their race, and who eventually could no longer handle it and had sex outside of marriage.
As parents, we need to consider the approach of the Prophet ﷺ when it comes to discussing sex and sexual desires. The Prophet ﷺ openly addressed this man’s concerns about sex in a public setting. He ﷺ didn’t make this topic an untouchable taboo. How much more of a right do your own children have for you to have open conversations with them in the privacy of your own home? However, don’t make it all awkward for your kids. Develop an open relationship with them before they’re old enough to have these conversations so that you don’t come off really weird and make them uncomfortable. If open communication is a natural dynamic in your family, such conversations will also occur organically, God willing.
Furthermore, as community leaders, we need to have open dialog with our members about these issues. If the family structure of our congregants doesn’t provide the security and openness needed to understand sex and related issues, we should have strong relationships with our communities so that we can help be a resource and means of guidance.
3. Additionally, during the time of the Prophet ﷺ, just like today, even his married companions had sex outside of marriage. Committing adultery is a serious issue, especially as it involves emotionally hurting one’s family. But in the incidents described, the Prophet was not quick to punish. He turned a woman away who came to him—asking for him to punish her so that she would be purified—continuously and consistently. He gave her so many opportunities to never come back to him and never receive any type of physical consequence, to simply live in repentance. But she, like others, came back over and over again until he finally established the consequence.8
The point in mentioning this is simply that this existed during the time of the Prophet ﷺ with the world’s greatest generation. They slipped just as we do, yet they were man or woman enough to beg God for forgiveness and recognize they had made a mistake. And even with some members in his community making a mistake and going all the way outside of marriage, the Prophet ﷺ did not ban men and women from working together and interacting with one another. Instead, he taught the men and women in his community to work together, professionally and respectfully, but with the warmth of true brotherhood and sisterhood.
Most of the examples I have chosen with regards to gender-relation scenarios explicitly mentioned men as those who acted upon or wanted to act upon their desires, but the same applies to women! Ladies are often put under the bus when it comes to talking about women’s sexual needs and desires, minimizing the reality that many women do in fact have strong sexual urges and fight themselves not to act upon them. Men and women alike can take from the lessons we’ve discussed from the lives of those living in the society of the Prophet ﷺ and actualize the concepts of self-responsibility, continual connection with God and intellectual and spiritual strength to overcome desires or repent and turn to Him continuously when falling.
Many in our communities today suffer from a lack of understanding gender relations. Women are sometimes not even allowed into the masjid because of the fear that their presence could somehow cause craziness. Women are often blamed as the ultimate cause of men being led astray in regards to gender issues. In my personal experience, men are rarely reminded that they must uphold their end of the gender relations’ bargain as well, other than by ignoring women’s existence or ensuring that women are behind the mosque’ wall and far from being a fitna for men’s lives. And in my perspective, this lack of understanding of the Prophetic method in training his community—which is quite different from completely segregating his community—is also one of the reasons many in the West are dealing with a real marriage crisis. (These are all huge issues stuffed into one paragraph; I feel their mention is essential when discussing gender relations, but they will individually be addressed in future articles, God willing).
A few general suggestions on how to deal with gender issues in our communities:9
Through their efforts, they struggled to actualize a crown Qur’anic axiom describing gender interactions, and it is the very one we must continue to work towards despite our confusion, our cultural (mis)understandings and our struggles:
The following lecture compares three contemporary social issues with the time of the Prophet ﷺ: Gender relations, racism and drinking. The below article delves into more detail with regards to gender relations in particular.
Many of us lament that we’re no longer like the Companions of the Prophet ﷺ; that their times were different, that their circumstances were different, and that we can never be like them. This concept is often invoked when we discuss gender relations with regards to Muslim youth and how ‘astray’ our youth have gone in comparison to that noble generation.
Yet, contrary to perhaps popular knowledge, the homeboys and the homegirls of the Prophet ﷺ also struggled with their desires. They too slipped and made mistakes. And through their situations, the Prophet ﷺ took the time to coach, train and teach them, helping them transform into the great giants whom we recognize today.
Thus, let us take a look at some of the ways the Prophet ﷺ dealt with the issue of gender interaction in his community so that we can learn lessons applicable today.
Ibn Abbas radi allahu `anhu (may God be pleased with him) shares with us, “A beautiful woman, from among the most beautiful of women, used to pray behind the Prophet ﷺ. Some of the people used to go to pray in the first row to ensure they would not be able to see her. Others would pray in the last row of the men, and they would look from underneath their armpits to see her. Because of this act, in regard to her, Allah revealed, “Verily We know the eager among you to be first, and verily We know the eager among you to be behind,” (Qur’an 15:24).1
From this narration, we learn that the young men who lived in the very city and attended the very masjid of the Prophet of God ﷺ slipped and checked a girl out. And yet what did the Prophet ﷺ do about it?
Did he create a wall between the men and women’s sections? Nope. Did he prohibit women from going to the mosque, lest they tempt the men who attend? Never. In fact, he (peace be upon him) did the exact opposite and commanded that women not be stopped from going to the House of God.2
What he did do was allow men and women to continue to be a part of the same society, working together as a community, existing cohesively. At the same time, he ﷺ helped train his community to keep their desires in check.
The below are a few incidents in which we learn how he did so:
1- Narrated Abdullah ibn Abbas (ra): “Al-Fadl bin Abbas rode behind God’s Messenger ﷺ as his companion rider on the back portion of his she-camel on the day of Nahr (slaughtering of sacrifice, 10th Dhul-Hijja) and Al-Fadl was a handsome man. The Prophet ﷺ stopped to give the people verdicts (regarding their matters). In the meantime, a beautiful woman from the tribe of Khatham came, asking the verdict of God’s Messenger. Al-Fadl started looking at her as her beauty attracted him. The Prophet ﷺ looked behind while Al-Fadl was looking at her; so the Prophet ﷺ held out his hand backwards and caught the chin of Al-Fadl and turned his face (to the other side) in order that he should not gaze at her….”3
Look at how the Prophet ﷺ trains Al-Fadl to be a responsible young man. He does not slam him for not keeping his desires in check. And even more importantly, he (peace be upon him) does not utter words that would make Al-Fadl believe that the source of the problem was the existence of the woman and that Al-Fadl had no responsibility in checking her out. On the contrary, he ﷺ gently turns Al-Fadl’s face away, teaching him that he is the one who needs to be responsible for his actions.
And let’s look at the Prophet ﷺ teaches the rest of this ummah (community) how to interact with women.
The Prophet ﷺ does not curse the woman for being “a fitna (trial).” He does not accuse the woman of enticing Al-Fadl. He does not shun her. Instead, he facilitated for her to be able to ask a question without being checked out.
We also don’t notice her being reprimanded by the Prophet to cover her face while nearing the Prophet ﷺ or other men who are not related to her. We do not hear this narration stating that she was advised to speak behind a curtain in the future lest her beauty become a temptation for men who could not control themselves.
In fact, it was quite the opposite. The Prophet ﷺ caught Al-Fadl staring and so he gently pushed Al-Fadl’s gaze away from the woman. The Prophet ﷺ taught Al-Fadl to control his own self. He put the onus of responsibility on Al-Fadl in this incident instead of scolding the woman who caught his gaze.
Al-Fadl did not protest the Prophet’s action of turning his face; Al-Fadl did not respond with, “But dear Prophet, she is the one who is a fitna (temptation)!” or, “Prophet of God! Command her to cover herself and hide so that she never makes another man’s eyes look at her again!”
In our own communities, women are often blamed for the downfall of men. Women blame other women for dressing inappropriately, wearing too much makeup, or acting flirtatiously with men. Men blame women for the same things! The blame always ends up being on women. We end up holding the brunt of the baggage of the gender relationship.
But what about what the Prophet ﷺ taught us? Yes, we have certain dress codes and guidelines of interactions to which men and women should both adhere, but it does not stop there. This woman was beautiful (may Allah be pleased with her) and yet the Prophet ﷺ didn’t condemn her beauty or stop her from speaking with him ﷺ and asking her question. So what about our communities today?! Let us move beyond placing the blame on women. Let us actually follow the Prophetic way in which each individual takes responsibility for his or her own actions without unnecessarily blaming others for simply existing.
2- In another example, another male companion went further than simply checking out a woman. He actually kissed her! The following narration gives us insight as to how God addressed his sorrowful admittance, seeking forgiveness and guidance from the Prophet ﷺ, “A man kissed a woman. So he came to the Messenger of God and informed him about it. Then God revealed this verse, ‘And perform the prayers, between the two ends of the day and in some hours of the night. Verily, the good deeds efface the evil deeds,’ (11:114). The man asked the Messenger of God ﷺ if the revelation of this verse applied only to his situation. The Messenger of God responded, ‘It applies to all my ummah.’”4
What can we take from this incident? This incident teaches us that the way that God, our Creator, our Loving Sustainer, taught us to deal with slipping into sin is through connecting back with Him immediately. He sent a verse to teach us all that if any one of us messes up, we should go back to Him and maintain our daily prayers. The daily prayers “prohibit immorality and wrongdoing,” 5 and having that connection will also be a means of our continual forgiveness.6
Now, this is not to suggest that those who are involved in inappropriate relationships should simply pray immediately after getting physical and then return to that action. This companion clearly came to the Prophet with regret and with resolve, seeking a solution when admitting his fault to the Prophet ﷺ . However, what we can take is that even the greatest of the great slip and succumb to natural human desire. But when we make the same mistake that one of them did, we should do what they did to seek change: We should regret it, immediately take to seeking God’s forgiveness, and make the resolve not to slip into it again. And if we do slip? Start the cycle of asking for forgiveness over.
3- But what about someone who wants to go all the way? How did the Prophet ﷺ help prevent a man who seriously wanted to do it? Once a young man came to the Prophet ﷺ requesting from the Prophet to grant this man permission to have sex outside of marriage. The people were shocked and were trying to silence his question. The Prophet ﷺ asked him a series of questions. “Would you like it for your mom?” He ﷺ continued to ask if this man would like it for his daughter, sister or other female relatives. The man continually responded in the negative, intellectually convinced by the logical argument of the Prophet ﷺ. Finally, the Prophet placed his blessed hand on the man and prayed to God, “Dear God! May you forgive his sins, purify his heart and make him chaste.” And it is narrated that this man never got involved in what he was requesting after this experience with the Prophet.7This man was intellectually and spiritually blessed by the logic of, connection to, and prayer from the Prophet ﷺ. We need to learn to be like the Prophet ﷺ when it comes to dealing with issues of sex. I know of young Muslim women who are afraid of getting married simply because their parents have made sex such a taboo topic that they have an intense fear of having to deal with sexual intimacy in marriage. I have also known of young men and women who really wanted to get married, whose parents refused to let them marry really awesome people who came to ask for their hand simply because of their race, and who eventually could no longer handle it and had sex outside of marriage.
As parents, we need to consider the approach of the Prophet ﷺ when it comes to discussing sex and sexual desires. The Prophet ﷺ openly addressed this man’s concerns about sex in a public setting. He ﷺ didn’t make this topic an untouchable taboo. How much more of a right do your own children have for you to have open conversations with them in the privacy of your own home? However, don’t make it all awkward for your kids. Develop an open relationship with them before they’re old enough to have these conversations so that you don’t come off really weird and make them uncomfortable. If open communication is a natural dynamic in your family, such conversations will also occur organically, God willing.
Furthermore, as community leaders, we need to have open dialog with our members about these issues. If the family structure of our congregants doesn’t provide the security and openness needed to understand sex and related issues, we should have strong relationships with our communities so that we can help be a resource and means of guidance.
3. Additionally, during the time of the Prophet ﷺ, just like today, even his married companions had sex outside of marriage. Committing adultery is a serious issue, especially as it involves emotionally hurting one’s family. But in the incidents described, the Prophet was not quick to punish. He turned a woman away who came to him—asking for him to punish her so that she would be purified—continuously and consistently. He gave her so many opportunities to never come back to him and never receive any type of physical consequence, to simply live in repentance. But she, like others, came back over and over again until he finally established the consequence.8
The point in mentioning this is simply that this existed during the time of the Prophet ﷺ with the world’s greatest generation. They slipped just as we do, yet they were man or woman enough to beg God for forgiveness and recognize they had made a mistake. And even with some members in his community making a mistake and going all the way outside of marriage, the Prophet ﷺ did not ban men and women from working together and interacting with one another. Instead, he taught the men and women in his community to work together, professionally and respectfully, but with the warmth of true brotherhood and sisterhood.
Most of the examples I have chosen with regards to gender-relation scenarios explicitly mentioned men as those who acted upon or wanted to act upon their desires, but the same applies to women! Ladies are often put under the bus when it comes to talking about women’s sexual needs and desires, minimizing the reality that many women do in fact have strong sexual urges and fight themselves not to act upon them. Men and women alike can take from the lessons we’ve discussed from the lives of those living in the society of the Prophet ﷺ and actualize the concepts of self-responsibility, continual connection with God and intellectual and spiritual strength to overcome desires or repent and turn to Him continuously when falling.
Many in our communities today suffer from a lack of understanding gender relations. Women are sometimes not even allowed into the masjid because of the fear that their presence could somehow cause craziness. Women are often blamed as the ultimate cause of men being led astray in regards to gender issues. In my personal experience, men are rarely reminded that they must uphold their end of the gender relations’ bargain as well, other than by ignoring women’s existence or ensuring that women are behind the mosque’ wall and far from being a fitna for men’s lives. And in my perspective, this lack of understanding of the Prophetic method in training his community—which is quite different from completely segregating his community—is also one of the reasons many in the West are dealing with a real marriage crisis. (These are all huge issues stuffed into one paragraph; I feel their mention is essential when discussing gender relations, but they will individually be addressed in future articles, God willing).
A few general suggestions on how to deal with gender issues in our communities:9
- Oneself: Understand that we are individually responsible for ourselves, our dress and our actions. Both men and women have specific interaction and dress guidelines and each should try their best to adhere to those instructions. However, a person’s struggle with not maintaining those guidelines (either actions or dress) is NEVER a reason for someone else to put the blame on them. If you are attracted to someone, regardless of how they are dressed or undressed, it is your individual responsibility, as a male or female, to respectfully avert your gaze from checking that person out without blaming them for being distracting. Your actions are always on you; if you slip, keep the blame to yourself.
- Men: Use your male privilege to create spaces which accommodate women to flourish into dynamic, knowledge-seeking, dawah-giving, masjid-attending Muslim women. Women’s existence is not the problem. If you can’t deal with women respectfully and professionally, don’t blame them for existing. Challenge yourself to follow the Prophetic method of training: Hold yourself fully accountable for your own actions, just as the companion who stared, or who kissed, or who wanted to go all the way or who actually did, and understand that women are your “partners”10 as you are theirs.
- Women: Societies in general put the blame on us. Because of this, we have to bear the burden of responsibility, as women, to demand spaces be created for us to seek and spread knowledge and become involved in community growth. Never allow for someone’s mental or verbal harassing of you for existing to be the reason you stop attending the masjid or seeking knowledge. We NEED women who are willing to be strong enough to deal with the drama we constantly have to face to help create space for women so that, God willing, and with the support of our male partners, we will begin to see a shift of return to the Prophetic society of respectful empowerment.
- For Young People: We know most of your hormones are raging and that you often do not have a place to deal with the realities of your mistakes and your desires. Finding a balance, especially without the ability to speak openly with your parents about it is difficult. Find mentors in your community who you can speak to and seek support from. And if you’ve slipped a bunch of times, know that Allah is always ready for you to come back and be near Him!
- For Parents and Community Leaders: We need you to nurture our young people. Open conversations and tangible examples of successful gender interactions and respecting, honoring and empowering women- and guiding men to know how to empower themselves by both taking personal responsibility and supporting the empowerment of women- are needed for the successful transition of your generation’s leadership to theirs.
- For All: We all make mistakes—even the Companions did! Take the time to turn every mistake into an opportunity to return back to our Creator! He is always ready for us.
Through their efforts, they struggled to actualize a crown Qur’anic axiom describing gender interactions, and it is the very one we must continue to work towards despite our confusion, our cultural (mis)understandings and our struggles:
“The believing men and believing women are allies of one another. They enjoin what is right and forbid what is wrong and establish prayer and give zakah and obey God and His Messenger. Those – God will have mercy upon them. Indeed, God is Exalted in Might and Wise.”11
- ibn Majah, Abu Dawud, Tayalisi, Baihaqi, Ahmad, Tirmidhi, and Nasai. Authenticated by Albaani (#3472 in his Silsilat al-ahadith al-sahih).
- Narrations can be found in Sahih Muslim, amongst other places.
- Bukhari
- Bukhari
- Qur’an 29:45
- “The five daily prayers and Jumu’ah to Jumu’ah is an expiation of the sins committed between those times so long as one is not guilty of major sins.” [Bukhari]
- Al Hakim
- Narrations of this can be found in Sahih Muslim.
- As inspired by my beloved friend, Sana Iqbal.
- From the Prophet’s last sermon: “Do treat your women well and be kind to them, for they are your partners and committed helpers.” [Bukhari]
- Qur’an 9:71
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